Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
