The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
