RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
