Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
