I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
