Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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