**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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