What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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