The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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