my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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