I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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