This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
