I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
