Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
