I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
