She is in my trunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
