well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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