i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
