i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
