Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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