Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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