dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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