turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
