you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
