Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
