I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
