so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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