Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
