woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You need Xanax blowdarts
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
