I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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