went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
