i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
