If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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