Ambien. No doubt about it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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