Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
