He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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