Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
