I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
