my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
