It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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