If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
