I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
