he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
