I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
