The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
home. puking in laundry basket.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
