yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
