some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
