He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Houston, we have a squirter
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
