It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
