you have to choose: penises or morals?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
