I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
