Tell her she can't have a vagina
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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