He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
