I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
