I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
