Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
