he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
smell my finger.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
