roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
