I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
