I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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