I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize