i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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