You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
