theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
