you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
