u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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