Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
